by Christina Couch and Gina LaGuardia
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In the world of corporate jargon, it seems that anything goes as long as it sounds intelligent and technical. But what exactly qualifies as legitimate business terminology and what's just ineffective communication? Take this quiz to find out if you're in business-speak, then 'touch base' with top MBA professors for their take.
1- Fill in the blank: Corporate jargon is defined as ______________
a) any communication occurring in an office setting.
b) vocabulary that describes specific products and processes associated with business.
c) meaningless phraseology used in corporations.
A -
If you answered B, take an extra 10 minutes for lunch.
Barry Koling, communications director for Suntrust Bank, Atlanta, is all for business buzzwords, when they serve a purpose. "If you pick the right words for the right circumstances, people know exactly what you're talking about. The problems come when the wrong jargon is used." Communicate effectively by asking yourself if your message will be universally understood, especially when sending an email.
"Think before you tap and then read it to yourself from the standpoint of a recipient," Koling explains. "What's the purpose of your communication and what are you're trying to achieve?"
2 - Which word is acceptable business-speak? a) qualitize
b) compatabilate
c) globasm
d) proactivated
A -
If you chose C, you're worthy of a bigger expense account.
It may sound odd, but according to American Business Language (Kalmia Publishing, 2000) by Dr. W. Davis Folsom, globasm means "a company or executive who becomes obsessed with expanding globally." If you're using words like qualitize, compatabilate, or proactivated, chances are only you know what you're talking about. You wouldn't be alone; some over-the-top corporate jargon has simply become technical babble.
"Obscurity, vagueness, and a non-committal stance on everything defines the essence of officespeak," writes comedian D.W. Martin, author of the book, Officespeak: The Win-Win Guide to Touching Base, Getting the Ball Rolling, and Thinking Inside the Box (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2005). "'I 'Lexus-Nexused' the company profits, 'Googled' all the major players, and 'Web-sitalized' all the pertinent figures.' That just means you did research and posted your findings on the Internet, but doesn't it sound impressive?"
3 - If you were asked to "sneakerize" something, you would:
a) make sure there was a proliferation of choices
b) adopt a casual approach to sales
c) interlace two concepts into one idea
A -
If you chose A, you deserve your company's "Casual Friday" sneaker option everyday.
When used correctly, corporate speak gives employees the ability to discuss the inner-workings of an industry or organization in a direct way. "It's more than jargon; it's concepts with vocabulary attached," explains Dr. Laura Ziegler, professor at the University of Texas, Dallas' Global MBA Online program.
In this case, instead of describing the concept of distributing a variety of products to offer your targeted consumer more choices, it's often easier and more efficient to create a new term - hence, "sneakerization." How much quicker is it to say, "eBay this shirt," for example, than to explain the act of using an online auction to sell merchandise?
4 - Define "put some pants on it":
a) fill in the missing details
b) describe a product's marketability to the male demographic
c) add some exaggeration
A -
If you answered A, forget about the pants -- you deserve to walk in the CEO's shoes.
Of course, there's a time and place for everything. Business language is supposed to be a common speech element, and is only effective as long as both the speaker and the listener understands the definition of each term.
"Corporate jargon can actually keep people out of the conversation if they don't know what the jargon is," affirms Dr. Ziegler. "Write the way you speak and don't rely on terms." Be aware of what you're saying, who you're saying it to, and the impact it will have on your audience. And remember the rule of thumb: Make sure the jargon you use won't offend.
5 - Choose which phrase doesn't belong:
A: Accumulated Benefit Obligation
B: Maintenance Margin Level
C: Specific Service Feedback
A -
If you picked A, ask for a raise by the end of the month.
Whereas "Accumulated Benefit Obligation" has a very real meaning, answers B and C are actually words thrown together in Tony Mattera's Jargon Master Matrix, a three-column, 14-row chart. Mattera, a corporate communications director for Wachovia Securities, LLC, developed the list as comic relief for professionals who get "so wrapped up in this stuff."
But what can you do if your higher-ups insist of speaking in professional power phrases? Although many find "Business Buzzword Bingo" an option (colleagues secretly check off words like "paradigm" and "braggables" on bingo-like cards; the first to fill in a "line" wins), it's best you 'circle back around' to unwrap the complexity of industry-specific jargon. For instance, if you're an accountant, it's imperative you know that Accumulated Benefit Obligation stands for a way to measure the liability of a pension plan in the event of termination at the date the calculation is performed is important. Check The New York Times' Glossary of Financial and Business Terms for others.
6 - Define "fume date":
a) when a company will run out of money
b) when a business idea will 'explode' or hit the mass market
c) an employee evaluation
A -
If you chose A, you're definitely not blowing smoke. you know what you're talking about.
You may think you're employing clever linguistics by using business buzzwords, but the winning mantra is to make sure what you say has purpose and value. "A lot of jargon doesn't stand up to scrutiny," advises Mattera. "If you start to take it apart, you begin to realize that it's actually meaningless."
For the growing number of professionals looking to gain an advantage with an MBA, communication - specifically of the cyber kind - is of utmost importance. "Online communication is more difficult than face-to-face because you have to be very precise and clear in what that you put forth," states Dr. Richard Willis, professor in the Global Executive MBA program at Duke University.
Simply stated, cleverness does not always translate into intelligence, so to ensure you don't reach your career's "fume date" -- think before you speak or hit "submit."
7 - Which term would you use in reference to a money manager's performance?
A: Security Characteristic Line
B: Performance Attribution Analysis
C: Executive Planning Alternatives
A -
If you chose B, a company car may be in your future.
Since effective communication is all about clarity and brevity, says Dr. Robert Nakosteen, professor in the online MBA program at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, you can understand why this is the correct response. Specifically because "Performance Attribution Analysis" refers to "the decomposition of a money manager's performance results to explain the reasons why those results were achieved."
In both business and classroom settings, says Dr. Nakosteen, your own performance review depends heavily on how well you communicate. "What I'm looking for is something succinct and to the point. I'm not looking for a data dump."
8 - Define "Administrivia":
a) the day-to-day workings required by administrators
b) a corporate ice-breaker game used at company retreats
c) the term administrative assistants use to refer to busy work
A -
A is the correct response. and you thought you weren't an asset to your company!
Contact with your company's powers-that-be is crucial in making yourself known. If it means documenting your own "administrivia," go for it. In whatever way you choose to communicate, however, be sure others know that you are actively thinking about your work, and are constantly searching for ways to enhance your credentials. Pursuing an online degree and certificate programs in your professional field is just one way you can demonstrate your motivation, commitment, and initiative to take on bigger challenges.
"Nobody is looking at you and waiting for you to say something, so it's easy to slink into the corner and not be heard," states Dr. Nakosteen. Empowering yourself with education is an effective way to distinguish yourself from in a way that transcends coloring your communication with fancy phrases you'll hope will be impressive.
All buzzwords and corporate clichés aside - Action speaks louder than words.
RESULTS:
1-3 correct:
Tony Robbins you are not. Time to get down to business basics and get proactive. Seek out a certificate program.
4-6 correct:
You've got a grasp on corporate culture but aren't quite ready for the next rung. Perhaps an online MBA program will help you step up.
7-8 correct:
You can speak circles around your peers - in a good way! Stay ahead of the pack, pursue an advanced degree online.
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